I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
