So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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