He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I forget how to act sober
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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