hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
