She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
