At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
