The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
