Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
