hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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