My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
