You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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