I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
