...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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