i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
