Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
