Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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