i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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