If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
