dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
