...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
