i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How external is "for external use only"?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
