I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
