My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
