Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
