Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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