I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
