woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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