I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
