Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
