i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
