i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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