This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
