Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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