Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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