why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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