; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
