Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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