i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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