Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
