the condom got lost in my hair
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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