is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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