member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
