i would punch a child for taco bell
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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