White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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