apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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