I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
