Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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