Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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