so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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