You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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