My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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