Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
