He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize