xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize