duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize