u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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