Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
