I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
