She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
