do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
