i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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