giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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