When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
