I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
