Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
