I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
