I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
