She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
