It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Found the puke drawer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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