I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
