I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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