Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize