Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think people are normalizing furries
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
