a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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