at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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