Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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