one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
