it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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