i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
did i just pee glitter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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