All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
