Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
