Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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