marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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