scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
