I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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