I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
