I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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